Just going back over some of my pictures and found another sunset one. :)
I must be in the dark-side-of-the-moon now. I don't think I'm depressed, but I can't seem to reach out either.
I've been here before, and always before, I would just let the flow take me in, and find that place within each of us where we meet with God. It seems so silly that we find any and all reasons not to be still and quiet allow God to touch us. I confess silliness. And as I type, I am seeing something. It's not that I have nothing to say or share, it's that the only thing I could talk about is where I am now, and right at the top is my need for the Lord's touch. My heart feels cold. Yep, I've been here before, and I never like it, but I always learn something about myself, and about my relationship with Christ Jesus.
I can go day after day and talk to friends about Him....read the Words He has spoken in the Bible, and do all the right things that look good, but in my heart, He feels far away. Someone once said that if you feel far away from God's heart, you moved, He didn't. I only know I miss my heart loving Him. There is no other feeling in the world like knowing you are loved by God, and feeling your heart melt with the awesome truth that what you feel for Him is real love and right love and for Him alone.
You'd think I would stay in that place always. I don't think I "fit" anywhere but there. And still I wander away, like a child, and though I know He is watching over me, I lose the intimacy that is mine in daily turning my mind and heart toward Him.
I almost didn't write. My big deal in life is trying not to offend a single soul. Isn't that silly? Of course I'll offend! I can look at it logically and see that, yet my choices still seem to be not to cause anyone hurt or offend or put out or whatever.... and I lose myself. Maybe not lose myself, but lose sight my own uniqueness while applauding everyone elses. You ever do that?
What a hodgepodge of thoughts here. I'm not too focused tonight. That's ok. Not all things are focused.....somethings blurred become beautiful in hindsight. I'll take that.
G'night from lala land on the coast, Nita
9 comments:
I like the sunset and the gulls in the air.
Nita, I admire you for being able to share your thoughts and feelings so deeply with your viewers.
Of course we know you will be back fully in the arms of Jesus soon. Maybe you need to draw away occasionally to learn something.
Love you Sis
Nothing prettier than a sunset! It is beautiful!
You are really special to be able to open up and share your feelings with us. So many times in my own lifetime I have been where you are now.....thankfully it doesn't last long. I think the Lord is letting us know that we need to make changes and come closer to him. Sometimes I get lazy and don't pray as much as I need to pray. I know that through prayer I feel so much more connected. Prayer is what has always gotten me through my toughest times. I pray that you will feel his loving hands on you and that he will hold you in his arms so tightly. Hugs to you by friend.
I've been there so many times in my life Nita. I've always come out stronger in my faith in goodness (God) and the beginnings of the climb out of the depths is the inspiration I start feeling over little things, a leaf blowing in the wind, those kinds of things.
I have come to enjoy those darker times in a weird way, because I know it brings me closer to what's real and good...
I'm glad you shared here.
I use a mantra in my mind when I have traveled far away and feel like I've not looked towards the light...
"I choose Peace." I do that with everything I do and within hours sometimes, a peacefulness and loving presence is right by me again...
Lots of love to you (and peace)...
sandy
Thank you for your loving responses. Just writing what was uppermost in my heart helped a lot. Like the proverbial hose that carries debris until the water is turned on and what is pure gushes through washing out anything that has settled there during a dry time.
I appreciate you so much. Nita
Nita, I know ...
Thanks for, once again, being so transparent and allowing the thoughts and feelings to just flow ...
I'll be here ...
I love you
Nita, you are indeed a special woman. Both Sandy and BJ have spoken my heart.
Love and Hugs
Wanda
"I almost didn't write. My big deal in life is trying not to offend a single soul."
Good Luck with that!
It sounds like you have a good 'handle' on yourself and know how you work, if you will. Thats always a good thing. And thanks for sharing your personal thoughts. I think they are often more helpful than a fake smile. It helps us realize that even the best of us experiences "down time".
Nita you express yourself so beautifully. I can think the words to say but sometimes I just can't seem to have them come off the ends of my fingers in the same way. hank you so much for sharing you most innermost feelings here for the whole world to see. Your love of the Lord is in everything you write not just here but in other places that you post too.
You are in my prayers dear sister.
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